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60 Ways To Personalize Your BattleMech

September 7th, 2009 Richie Rich

This is a bit of a weird post.  First, it’s dedicated to all of use nerds who play BattleTech.  Second, it’s a 2 page sheet a friend of mine gave me many a years ago and I’d figure I’d immortalize it online.

  1. Leather Upholstery
  2. Fuzzy Dice
  3. Ice chest next to heat sinks filled with Old English 800
  4. Radar detector on dashboard
  5. Flame decals on sides
  6. Tinted windows
  7. CD Player w/ Dolby Surround-Sound
  8. Satellite TV with “Premium” access
  9. Gun rack
  10. Spoilers
  11. Custom exhaust manifold
  12. Luggage rack over Tactical Targeting Module
  13. 3 year or 30,000 mile service contract
  14. Plays the “Might Mouse” theme if you honk the horn
  15. Bored out cylinders increase horsepower by 24%
  16. Hotplate over fusion reactor
  17. Glowing neon blue lights illuminate feet for cruising at night
  18. Really big glove compartment
  19. PSP option under Fire-Control system
  20. Clapper hooked up to ejection system
  21. Targeting computer that critiques battle performance
  22. Neon-green windshield wipers
  23. Client Eastwood sample can be played over loudspeakers (“Do you feel lucky punk?”)
  24. “Flight of the Valkyries” played when Jump Jets are engaged
  25. “The Four Horsemen” by Metallica played when going full throttle
  26. Friendly message that informs pilot “Radiation seal has been broken.  Your children will have 4 arms.”
  27. 68″ Bose Speakers for the proper bass. (Medium Laser only does 3 points and cabin lights dim while on)
  28. Cell phone link directly to closest ComStar HyperPulse Generator station.  25% discount for call between 11 and 8
  29. Cruise Control
  30. Zebra skin roof covering
  31. Strobe lights mounted on feet
  32. 500Watt CB with an echo mic and sound effects
  33. Ceiling mounted licorice dispenser
  34. A direct com-link to Pizza Hut
  35. Rad hatch marks on side to give impression that it is a ’96 Camaro
  36. Liquor cabinet behind the command couch
  37. King sized bumper sticker “Get any closer, and I’ll eat you.”
  38. Pair of Nike’s painted on feet of ‘Mech
  39. Hood ornament of a ram head from an old Dodge Ram
  40. Yosamite Sam mud flaps.
  41. Special voice added to scanners when pickup up enemy units – “Danger! Danger!” in Robby the Robot’s voice
  42. Trailer hitch to pull around all that extra ordinance
  43. Authentic wood paneling
  44. A little hula dance on the dashboard
  45. Three stooges sound effects when you score a kill
  46. Offensive language written on weapons
  47. James Brown security alarm
  48. Dirt Devil Car Vac (modified for ‘mech use) stored under command couch
  49. Automatic seatbelts
  50. Internal rollcage (for offroading)
  51. “Have a nice day” with a happy face painted on the back
  52. Disco ball hanging in cockpit
  53. Big Screen TV
  54. Cargo compartment for the Harley you wish you owned
  55. Waterbed located underneath command couch
  56. Off-road KC Halogen lamps with the little happy face covers
  57. Sunglass shaped window covers (for sunny days)
  58. Rear window defogger
  59. 2 words – Air Conditioning

Ok, so it’s only 59 ways.  Whom ever wrote it up put an extra return at the bottom of the page that split one line.  Look for some of these in upcoming games.

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